Thank yourself, endlessly

First of all, I want to sincerely thank my friend for giving me this thoughtful gift as an appreciation for my "thesis defense" presented approximately 2 months ago.

This cute one is a handcrafted bookmark, at least that was just my first impression as how she explained it to me briefly, we were out of time to talk more at that time. Thus I thought it was purely a butterfly-shaped bookmark I should use for my reading and take care of. I didn't expect there would be another thing to look for more. But yeah, I was kind of being fooled lol... 

Surprisingly, there was a very short-straight sentence you can read in merely one second of time if only you manage to flip it to the other side. The message was so touching for me even from the first glance it came up to my eyes, diving further into my mind. It might be short, yet intensely calm and brought me such tranquility to stop being hard on myself, she deserved it all the way as I always tend to neglect it every time!

Without the need to think deliberately, I could strongly summarize that the last four years were terribly uneasy for me. I was continually discouraged, fearful, and anxious from time to time. I got hit by the reality I couldn't even want to choose. It sometimes got better. Almost once upon a time. Sometimes I practically bounced myself back, yet it would dreadfully break me down later in a little while. People told me to be more grateful, to have sabr, to remind more of the Quranic verse which sounds "perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you."

Just so we know, sometimes things in life aren't inherently black and white, which we can accurately tell what's the difference between both. Who knows? It might be olive or avocado, blue sky or ocean, lilac or purple. We don't always know whether the thing is good or the opposite, and not everything has to be either one while owning its worth & value uniquely. Sometimes life doesn't precisely give us contradicting choices that we could distinguish which one is leading to the worse, which the latter to heaven, respectively.

Without any bad intentions to the Almighty's verse which I faithfully believe, instead reminds us that beautiful words don't always guarantee to be accepted in a good way too. No matter how nice it seems, things that aren't delivered in such a thoughtful consideration could be misinterpreted as insensitive. It's the words adding up to the situation that will.

With countless reasons to give up & hurt yourself, the endless ups & downs, the irritable anxiety & fear that inevitably stick to the vulnerable heart, the words above are truly meaningful to contemplate all those circumstances I have painfully passed. Unconsciously give such warm reassurance to the broken soul, pat her back & present her a butterfly hug while whispering that.. all you went through was full of endeavors, pain & tears, that you were struggling so hard, yet possibly made it to the end. 

Despite the numerous thoughts of giving up haunted all your sleep and wake, you chose to survive & save yourself many times, so thank yourself thoroughly & thank God for giving you the strength you couldn't ever live without.

 

May Allah's guidance always be upon our vulnerable heart and soul...